Phantasm

by Radflux

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about

Phantasm was written and recorded by Aaron Denny in his living room in the Summer of 2013 (mostly)

credits

released August 30, 2013

______________________________________________________

Thank you kindly to Leah Crawford (that's my sister!) for providing vocals for "Plucking Feathers" and "Scars (Bird Bones)" and to Chris Ledbury for playing drums on "Torch Song". Thank you also to Tyler Hinnefeld for all of the artwork she did for the "Moonchild" single and also for the inside sleeve and booklet for "Phantasm" it looks great! And of course, as always, thank you to all of the Young Frogs!

Contact: aaron.r.denny@gmail.com
Thanks For Listening!
© 2013 Young Frogs

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Track Name: Earthready
you still believe in something pure
and i'm still looking for a cure
we'd be better off inside our own minds
but i just wanted to make sure

to close my eyes would be a feat
to slip to slumber i'd retreat
because i'm a wreck with all these wrecking balls of memories
i just wanted to be complete

i hope you realize you're wrong
cause every night is so so long
and if you see the space between my eyes
you'll probably think i've already gone

but i am here though not to stay
in this nest of nails i lay
i can't wake up but i never went to sleep
i need to find some place to pray
Track Name: Torch Song
where did your bright eyes go?
when you were craving something peaceful and did you know that you
were holding the earth in place in space?
oh God, save us now, what a mess i've made

can i feel everything outside my mind?
can i create a world whose nature is undefined?

you are not breathing you are still
you are not moving on your own
it's like a sovereign sleeping pill
it shapes a life into a drone

in the winter it snowed
but all the snowflakes looked the same and in her face it glows
that embryo was swelling to the size
of my fists that beat into the door i improvise

can i feel everything outside my mind?
can i create a world whose nature is undefined?

you are not breathing you are still
you are not moving on your own
it's like a sovereign sleeping pill
it shapes a life into a drone
Track Name: Static Sin
i saw ghosts in the garden when i visit there
heard my blood as it races to conceal my prayer
and i wait for God

scratch the roof of my mouth as i scream "eloheim"
hear the language of enemies coming out my mouth
and i wait for God

buy my prayers only reached pluto
and I'm not afraid to die

our steps in line are so off course but marching to a steady beat
of foreign tunes and age-old hymns that force parades on heavy feet
i can't ignore all the signs if they scream to me in origami
swans and things that flap their wings to show me that their life is free

but i am enslaved to loss
don't make me carry this cross
Track Name: Plucking Feathers
get into the van right away
i'd like to drive into the ocean
and i'd like to clip off my wings
and slide them through the windows of our house

if you want to see inside my head
you won't find sleep, you'll wish you were dead
and i just want to peer into your eyes
and watch your blood pump bird beaks down your spine

(pluck my feathers for me darling, pluck my feathers for me dear
that smothered pain you felt is dying, that clutching grip you felt was fear
along some lake i felt you shiver, and in some house i helped you cry
and if you are some caregiver, why didn't you let us die?
why do you want to hurt us? speak so softly to the sky
is it time you desert us? all you sick ravens fly)

i don't know where i am, i just know that i'm happy
rip my skin i am cold, garnish flesh with feathers
the birds that used to sing hymns, now sing dirges alone
hold your breath we embrace, stratosphere of our own

our phantograph will play our little songs
will cut in deep rip out with tongs
my nest is made of old rusty nails
want to give up now and lay down on the rails
Track Name: Exodus
though i tried to fail you burnt off the veil
with the life you feed it's only part of a dream
though i try to pretend it's nothing but relief
exodus to dust and you left like a thief

now i'm not afraid to call on you
you calm my dreams, let me sleep, feel nothing

if you reach the promos land without a golden calf
let him breathe, i'll break like a stone to your staff
when you were young you held the knowledge of truth
but you chose to wait it out and swallowed your youth

now you lead israel from your womb
they weren't mine, weren't owned, led by sun
try to believe in something different, try to believe in something different
try to believe in something different, try to believe in something different
try to believe in something different, try to believe in something different
try to believe in something different, try to believe in something different
Track Name: Comfy
you crossed your fingers as you sat
i know i'm sad but thank you for that
i'm comfortable now in my fears
i haven't felt this way in years
thoughts of things i'll never do
but dream of every night without you
that fire burning in my throat
and i loved every word you wrote

but now eyes cut closed and vision far away
and though it seems, i shouldn't be comfy anymore

and now i see you on your sweet little pumpkin pedestal
and i know it's only for a minute now
and if i tried to understand inside the ways that made you comfier than now
well i'd be lost and i would not be found again

and though it's sick you feel it to
how the incision puts you though
the smiling weapon that i know
it seems like oh, so long ago
sitting still i will recall
the ways which once were comfortable
a broken table built for two
this hollow body i slipped into

sorrow, it only holds the weight of snow, we are comfortable
you're comfortable, you're comfortable
it only shows which way we go
you're comfortable inside of me now
the only way to show you're comfortable is inside of me now
Track Name: Phantasm
you expect a word from me but i was not sleeping
i heard every sound that you whispered so carefully
humming in vibrant winds, exports my soul again
the heat of our palms in the mirror we're staring in
collides with a sunken dream of loneliness and misery
and i could not tell if you were unhappy
what you've explained to me i could never dare to dream
it seems like the universe is up on a balance beam
who can tell me right from wrong? and what if i just play along?
as if i never saw the messenger i'm counting on
writing down the words he said in notebooks so i won't forget
and i will never ask for the meaning of life again

our ideas have never been so far from true
I'm telling you, my love, to change your point of view
we were so off course this time
hello myself, are you ready to climb?
we were not better off before
we were not better off before

you saw me sitting there alone in that wooden chair
my eyes fixed intently on the godsend that was in midair
and as i focused my eyes, the room began to come alive
the whole world was pumping with my blood so i must survive
long enough to take my place, those averages we all embrace
the sweating and the tears and the joys of the human race
you've got a heart in you, and now it always beats as two
but i could never love two heartbeats, its too much to do
so whose story can i tell when my lifeblood says farewell?
when all of my dreams are at the bottom of a wishing well
i just pray that i can wake or fluctuate what state i take
when every step is backwards and every move i must remake

here in this trap i'll stand, the remnants of a broken man
the burning of my eyes from the turning of the ceiling fan
our mouths are coerced in song and all the planets glide along
will they ever stop if we get to where we belong?
leaving it all to fate, the beauty we must create
compose our finale and finally circumnavigate
the void of where we once did wrong, now it hums our victory song
we've reached our own perfection and now everything is gone
Track Name: [statement]
your tin pan eyes
your fragrant winds
your stale grey skies
my common sense
i don't even wanna see it, i don't even wanna feel anything
unless my veins are full of enlightenment
i don't even wanna see it, i don't even wanna feel anything

"the sound of creation; the creation of sound"

your oxygen, your oxygen
lacking only a savior

"the sound of creation; the creation of sound"
Track Name: Moonchild
elevated higher than the secrets you demand
or should i write a novel just to make you understand? (hold my hand)
do i walk through walls? do i plant the seeds real good inside?
and should i even be nervous that i love my state of mind? (hyperaware)
i can feel the knife in me as it slices through my lung
is this abuse i'm feeling now or the love of my only son?

now you sleep underground curled up like a fetus
take comfort in knowing that the world is opaque
when you find your mistake let heaven know slowly
the rules are bent and shaped around people like you

let me stitch your birthing scars let me rest your aching limbs
until my brain is a drone of the thieves you're trusting in (static sin)
sing his lullabies my dear but my thoughts are so obscene
and should i read your palms or drench myself in gasoline? (set me free)
never speaking not even opening his eyes
lived for nothing died for all the people i despise

there are fingers wrapped up in your mouth and in your heartbeat
your lungs pulse so coarsely and your breath is screeching
in your chamomile smile, there's the land of milk and honey
if you only could stay awake to see the sun rise

dry your eyes son, you are free now, you are free here and now
don't waste the moonchild, you don't deserve this, you don't deserve hell
Track Name: Pinpoint Pupils;;Pangaea!
waking up in a hospital bed at night
feeling like i set my body on fire
and i tried so hard to make it sound like heaven
no, this is not life, no this isn't statement but euphoria
euphoria
euphoria
this is not euphoria

and if you want tot pluck your feathers dear then get into the van
because i'm counting something visible to you it might be physical but i don't understand
and if you need a reason to exist then look straight through my disguise
cause i found all the parts of heaven in our tongues and then i watched it as it died

and if i cared enough to speak i'd ask which cloud made me so weak
with miscarriage, and empty home, and the son of God at the end of the phone
what is real? whose womb am i tearing apart from the inside?
stained-glass eyes i saw your face among the memories i had erased

and if i lay here with my thoughts alone, do you think i'll disappear?
because i've woken to a nightmare from a nightmare that i found while i was here
and if you need a reason to exist then look straight through my disguise
cause i found all the parts of heaven in our tongues and then i watched it as it died
Track Name: Scars (Bird Bones)
and you go on again
that canary was you
but you can't fly
and you're not a liar

but you're cold and you need rest
it took wires to build your nest
with a knife you feel free
but your stomach feels empty

let me rattle your mind
not like the succubus
my NAAMAH
and i know you're not a liar

but you're cold like one
and you are undone my dear
and you think that i'm insane
but i feel the scars on my brain

(you are fire, you are cold
you are liquid, you are stone
you are moving, you are still
you are empty, you i fill
you are grounded, you are flying
you are happy, you are crying)

and i saw you in my dream, you were moses stone
in that place where you took him, but now he's gone
there is etched on my skin, the mark of omens
though i woke up from that dream, i can still feel pain

and i'm not afraid
for the first time in my life
but i feel pain
even if it's in my mind

that doesn't matter it still rains
all my bones are covered in stains
i hate these memories i spin
but none of it ever happened
Track Name: Flame Canvas
to realize the ways that we failed
i watched your beak as you exhaled
silvery and lining my body
these stupid limbs hang by my side

a flame engulfs this naked sky
and though it chokes it never dies
a wooden pier caught my eye
this phantom limb a silent cry
you watched me die

the moths flew in, flew out with flame again i think i've seen their faces
in a book that i read when i was young
you were so out of line, freaking out, illuminating
look at me now through that lens, i'm hollow
every grave looks the same, what's the point? you are radiant
incandescent lightning bulbs
angel pyros and i'm about ready to acquire
this providence ablaze

and in our father's rooms, we sit and wait for death
no secrets angels kept, we kept ourselves from being lovers (mothers)
and even in a dream our voices echoing
sweet baby choir sings, a hymn a dirge so dark it twists me

so in the dark we shared our parts but what a wicked change of heart
decisions faced are all but made though time is short i'm not afraid
let me kiss your tiny fingers they rub my lips to say goodbye
on this pier i stroke free will forget to breathe and i stand still

troubles fade into us, i was so wrapped up
i couldn't even lift my arms to sound off the alarms
but in this faded will, i cursed death, i laughed hard, i fell still
and i'm not sure if i even stopped short of a life without remorse
but i will return one day as a ghost or a portion of a man
and though smoke stacks it may not seem true, you'll see
i am not who i claim to be

contemplating all these signs, my life and dreams combine
you came to me with all those faults, i wasn't sure where to start

and i know it's so so hard, it's everything that you knew
but in the time we shared, i never questioned you

you know those ancient books i read were all wrong, dead wrong